A soldier cannot show weakness- A John Winchester Journal Prompt
by Itsmecoon
Summary: Dean leaves the motel room while dad is gone and when he returns, he finds a Striga has Sammy. Based on John's Journal and Season 1 episode 18. Will contain a disciplinary parental spanking. If you don't like, please don't waste you time or mine and read.


A Soldier cannot show weakness…

Sammy is five today. Thank God. He almost didn't make it. I could blame Dean, but it's my fault. There's enough blame to go around. I missed the kill, and I left Dean watching Sam, and he couldn't pull the trigger when he needed to. I haven't taught him well enough. If he is weak like that again, my boys will die . . . but what kind of father am I to put a nine-year-old boy in a situation where he might have to kill to protect his brother?

I'm the kind of father I have to be. I'm the kind of father who teaches his boys that no man or monster can kill their mother and get away with it. I'm the shows them that when it comes to family, you go to the ends of the earth to put things right.

We're in Wisconsin, so we might as well skip over to Blue Earth and check in with Jim.

He'll want to know about this, and maybe it'll do me good to talk to him.

May 2, 1988 (Dean 9, Sammy 5)

"Jim, I was as scared today as I was the day I saw Mary stuck to the ceiling in Sammy's nursery. Rushing in and seeing Dean standing there with a gun pointed at that thing frozen in fear unable to shoot, and that damn Striga with my baby boy. After I shot at it and it ran, I about lost it." John revealed while nursing a beer in Jim's living room.

The boys were both asleep in one of Jim's bedrooms. They usually take the pull out couch, but John needed someone to talk to about what happened and Jim was ready to listen. They'd gotten to Blue Earth in the middle of the night. He dropped the boys off and drove back to the motel to track that bastard. John had just gotten back a few hours ago. He got the boys tucked in and grabbed the offered beer and sat in the living room with Jim, telling him the tale.

"What did you do about it Johnny? Dean has hardly said anything and he is usually bouncing off the walls along with Sammy. He seems to just sit there like he's on the lookout. The kid didn't even let Sammy go to the bathroom alone. What's up with that?" Jim asked.

"I packed up and came here since we were only about 3 hours away. I left the boys with you and hauled ass back to the motel to kill it, but I couldn't track it."

"No, I mean with Dean and Sam. Did you punish Dean for it?"

"No, I gave him one hell of a swat right afterwards but I've haven't done anything else yet. Yes, I'm pissed as hell that Dean left, but I'm also pissed as hell at myself for letting it get away in the first place. Dean and I are both to blame for the thing getting so close to Sammy."

"John you need to talk to Dean about this. I'm sure he feels like he let you down and almost got Sammy killed."

"Sure I want to beat his ass for this but I don't want him to think I blame him for the thing getting close to Sam. I just need to figure out what to say and what to punish him for."

"Tell me everything and maybe I can help."

"Well Jim, this is the whole story." John proclaimed as he started remembering the events that led him to Jim's. We were in a motel three hours from here, Ft. Douglas, Wisconsin. I was gearing up to go on the hunt for a striga. Kids were dying Jim…..

FLASHBACK:

"Alright you know the drill Dean. If anybody calls you don't pick up. If it's me, I'll ring once then call back. You got that?" John asked as he was checking the salt lines and getting the shotgun and other weapons set up around the room in case Dean needed them to protect him and Sammy.

"Um hum, don't answer the phone unless it rings once first."

"Come on dude look alive this stuff's important!"

"I know it's just we've gone over it like a million times and you know I'm not stupid."

"I know you're not but it only takes one mistake. You got that?"

Dean shakes his head yes. John continues packing his duffel bag making sure that the kitchen is set up for Dean.

"Alright, if I'm not back Sunday night?"

"Call Pastor Jim."

"Ahhh, don't forget to lock the doors, the windows, and close the shades. Most important?"

"Watch out for Sammy." Dean says and turns to look at his baby brother. "I know."

"And if someone tries to bust in?"

"Shoot first and ask questions later." Dean answers

"That's my man" John says as he squeezes Dean's shoulder and heads out the door. Dean closes and locks the door behind his dad and turns to look back at Sammy.

Sammy is watching the Thunder cats and doesn't even realize that dad left. He gets up to go to the bathroom and when he comes back in he looks around for Dad.

"Dean, where's dad?" Sammy asks

"Dad left about an hour ago Sammy, sorry didn't he tell you good bye?"

"Yeah, he already said goodbye but I didn't see him go." Sammy pouted. He was upset that he didn't see him leave.

"I'm sure he'll call later. Come eat lunch."

"What are we having?" Sammy asked, "Can't we eat in here, please?"

"No, you know the rules, now come on! We're having Pizza."

"But Dean our favorite cartoon is coming on, Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos. Please?"

"Okay, but I swear to God if you tell dad and I get my ass beat, I'll get even. You got that?"

"Yes sir," Sam said but quickly changed to "Uh huh Dean, I won't tell. Sorry." when he heard his brother start to growl.

The rest of the first day went off without a hitch. They watched a children movie marathon that day. Sam forced him to watch the 'Care bear: Nutcracker suite' with him. He felt like such a girl. The day passed quickly and when Sam fell asleep, Dean carried his baby brother to bed and finished the movie.

Before he went to bed himself, he cleaned up the room and checked the salt lines and weapons. He didn't want to leave any evidence that they had broken the rules and spent the day, including meals, in the living room. Dad would surely have something to say about that and it just might involve Dean sleeping on his tummy and he didn't want that.

The next morning was the same routine but Dean forced the issue of eating at the table only. Too many times dad had come home early and he wasn't going to risk his backside or extra chores for something like this.

Sammy, being only four until a few weeks from now, wanted to go outside. It was getting harder and harder to keep him under control. Dean tried playing games with him and watching TV but Sammy was bored, and a bored Sammy in never a good thing. Dean went to the bathroom and when he came out, Sammy was standing on a chair unlocking the door. Dean wasn't allowed to swat his brother but he was scared that if he didn't do something to get Sammy's attention, Sam would be gone first chance Dean turned his back.

"Samuel Winchester, what do you think you're doing? You know you aren't allowed to go outside without permission or me, let alone even touch the door."

Sam froze with his hand on the lock. He didn't move. His little four year old brain thought that maybe Dean couldn't see him if he didn't move.

"Sammy, get down and come over here right now!"

Sam got off the chair. Picked it up and carried it back to the table and stood at the other side of the table from where Dean was. Dean looked at his brother angrily. Sammy stared at the floor he refused to look at his brother.

"Sammy, I said to come here and I meant it. One."

"Dean don't count. M'sorry. I won't do it no more."

"You were told to do something and you'd better do it now! Two."

"Deeeaaaannnn don't count! I said I was sorry!"

"Sammy, don't make me say it please. Just come here before I have to tell Daddy you didn't listen and I had to count you out. Daddy will spank you if I say it so get a move on it now!"

Sam slowly came over and stood directly in front of his big brother. He still refused to look up at him. Dean put his finger under Sam's chin and raised it until he looked into Sammy's eyes. He asked Sammy,

"What do you think you were doing?"

"I want to go outside! I should be able to."

"What are the rules about going outside? I want you to tell me now!"

"I have to have permission, you have to go with me and I have to stay with you."

"What about when dad isn't here?"

"We have to stay inside ALL the time! I don't want to. TAKE ME OUTSIDE NOW!"

Dean's ass was going to pay for this later but he grabbed Sam's arm turned him sideways and popped him once. He'd never swatted Sammy before and this was hardly more than a little tap. Sam jumped with the swat, not from the force of it but because it was unexpected. Tears started down his little cheeks.

"You will not yell at me like that. I'm following orders and you know it. Not you put your nose in that corner and don't move until I give you permission to come out. You get that?"

"Yes sir," Sammy answered.

Sammy ran to the corner and pushed his face in it crying hard but trying not to let Dean hear him. Dean felt like an asshole as he went to the stove and turned the timer on for 4 minutes. He was scared about Sammy going outside when his back was turned but he felt like a big bully because he swatted him. Dad was going to wear Dean out for this but Dean felt like he deserved it for being so mean to a 4 year old.

Dean teared up hearing Sammy cry. He wished that damn timer would go off so he could scoop his baby brother up and hug him. Dean stood facing the stove in his own timeout as he watched that stupid timer. He swore that time stopped. He was relieved when the timer went off. He turned the knob and walked into the living room. Sammy heard the timer but knew not to move from the corner until he was given permission. Dean got down on his knees, held open his arms and called to his baby brother,

"Sammy, come here please." Dean called to him.

Sam ran into the open arms with such force that it almost knocked Dean over. Dean held on to the little guy and hugged him tight.

"M'sorry m'sorry Please don't spank me Dean, I won't go outside. I promise!"

"Hey Sammy, calm down. I'm not going to spank you. I shouldn't have swatted you but I got scared and you wouldn't mind me."

"Are you gonna tell daddy? Cause if you do he'll spank me for sure and I don't wanna get a spanking."

"If I don't tell on you, do you promise not to tell dad I swatted you?"

"Yes, I promise. I'm sorry I just want to go outside."

"I know me too. What do you want for dinner?"

"Spabettios"

"I'm going to go cook, let's see what's on TV."

Dean found Scooby doo on and got Sam sitting down watching it. After a few minutes he called Sammy to the table to eat his dinner. He was pouring Sammy's milk when Sam sat down at the table.

"When's dad gonna get back?" Sammy asked.

"Tomorrow"

"When?"

"I don't know. He usually comes in late though. Now, eat your dinner,"

"I'm sick of spagbettioes."

"Well, you're the one that wanted em!"

"I want lucky charms."

"There's no more Lucky Charms."

"I saw the box."

"Okay, maybe there is but there is only enough for one bowl and I haven't had any yet."

Sammy doesn't say a word. He just stares at Dean with the biggest saddest puppy dog eyes you've ever seen. That plus the little pout he's got going on, and the fact he still felt guilty about the swat, causes Dean to sigh and take the spaghetti O's and throw them away. Dean slams the bowl in the sink grabs then grabs the other bowl out of the dish drainer and the box of lucky charms and slams them both on the table and takes a step backwards. Sammy takes the box and reaches in and pulls out the prize and with a big smile on his face, he holds it out towards Dean and says,

"Do ya want the prize?"

Dean wants to stay pissed that he didn't get any lucky charms but he can't help but smile at his baby brother. He shakes his head and says

"How about we share it?"

"Do you want to grab a spoon and share this with me Dean?" Sammy asked offering his lucky charms.

"No tiger, its okay you eat them, I've got some ravioli, but thanks anyway."

"You're welcome Dean. Sorry I was bad."

"Well speaking of that, you're going to bed 30 minutes early agreed?"

"But Dean, you swatted me and I stood in the corner for a really long time."

"Are you really arguing with me?"

"No, I'll go but you should go early too for swatting me."

"You're right. We both are going to bed 30 minutes early. Deal?"

"You really are? Or are you just saying that?"

"I really and truly am!"

"Okay then it's a deal and lying is a VERY bad thing to do, daddy gets really really mad when you do and spanks on the bare butt, so you're not lying right?"

"No, I'm not lying; I'm really going to go to bed at 830 not 9 and you are 730 not 8."

"Okay."

So the boys finished their dinner and Dean sent Sammy to clean the bedroom. Sammy didn't want to do it until Dean convinced him that he was going to clean the living room and kitchen and then had a surprise for Sam. While Sam was out of the room, Dean cleaned up and rearranged the table and chairs and created an obstacle course for them. This way the boys could burn off some steam and maybe it would calm Sammy down some.

Sammy came out of the bedroom and was excited when he saw what his brother had done. As far as he was concerned he had the best brother in the entire world. No other brother could compare to him. He ran up to Dean and hugged him tight and said,

"Thank you Dean. Thank you so much!"

"Are we going to stand here and hug like a couple of girls or are we going to run this course."

"Run the course. Show me how!"

"Okay I will and tiger, you're welcome."

Both boys were tired and had no problem with their punishment of going to bed 30 minutes early. Dean felt kind of stupid giving himself a 30 minute earlier bed time but it was only fair and he really was tired enough to go.

The boys spent the next day with the same routine as the day before. They were both getting really bored with this and hoped dad would show up soon. They were both disappointed to get the phone call from dad saying that he wasn't coming home for another day or two. Dean calmed Sammy down and entertained him until his bedtime. Sammy was tucked in and asleep and Dean sat in the chair and watched TV.

It was the third night in this crap room and Dean was climbing the walls and he just needed to get some air. He turned off the TV and grabbed the room key. He headed to the door and as he unlocked it he turned back to take one last look at Sammy. Sammy was passed out so Dean opened the door, went out and locked it behind him. He checked the lock again just to make sure Sammy was safe.

He walked across the parking lot to the motel lobby. It happened to have a game room. There was a foosball table and a couple of arcade games. The game called Andro Dunos caught Dean's attention and he inserted his quarters and started playing. An hour later the manager hollered at Dean,

"Hey Kid," Dean looked at him, "we're closing up."

Dean nodded and headed out the door back across the parking lot to his motel room. He took out his key all the while carefully glancing around for signs of trouble. He walked into the room, shut the door, locked it and turned around. He instantly knew something was wrong. He couldn't see Sammy like he could when he left. The bedroom door was closed tighter than it was when he left. He could hear whispers but couldn't make out what it was. He went on instant hunter alert.

Slowly he walked towards the door to the bedroom. He reached out his hand and gently pushed on it. His heart was beating so fast that he had to physically make himself breathe normally so he wasn't too loud. He was so worried about what was on the other side of the door in a room with his baby brother. He wished that he had never left Sammy alone. 'God please let him be okay! I'll never leave Sammy alone again if you help him be okay.' Dean prayed.

What he saw made his heart feel like it was going to jump out of his chest. Sammy was turned sideways in the bed. Dean wasn't sure if he was asleep or dead. "God please let him be asleep." This creature was wearing a black hooded cape and it put its hand on Sammy's chest. The hand was long, skinny and looked like sticks. Dean couldn't see its face clearly but there was a bright light glowing from what Dean thought was its mouth. And it was leaning over Sammy's head and put its mouth over Sammy's mouth.

Dean swallowed really hard and licked his lips as he slowly reached down and picked up the shotgun Dad had cocked and ready for him to use if necessary. He aimed it at the creature and clicked off the safety. The creature heard the click, turned and faced Dean and let out a "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Dean couldn't bring himself to pull the trigger. The 9 year old was terrified! Dad came barging in the motel door, turned on the light and bellowed

"Get out of the way," towards Dean.

Dean instantly ducked and John starting firing at the Striga. With a look of determination of his face, he fired his gun. The creature was hit over and over with John's bullets but they did no damage to it. The Striga turned and burst through the window, glass flying everywhere as John continued to unload the gun into it as he walked towards the window.

Once the creature was gone, John tossed the gun on the bed started saying Sammy over and over as he grabbed Sammy up and into his arms. Sam opened his eyes and wrapped his arms around one of his dad's big arms. John had one of his hands carding Sammy's hair.

"Sammy Sammy Sammy are you okay?" John asked looking into his son's eyes.

A sleepy Sammy asked his dad. "Ahh Dad what's going on?"

Dean peaked into the bedroom door. John heaved a sigh of relief as he hugged Sammy tight and pressed his chin against Sam's head and asked, "Are you alright?"

Dean set down the shotgun and started to walk into the room. John hugged Sammy tight and looked towards where he left Dean. John wouldn't let go of Sammy just yet because he realized he could have lost him. He looked at Dean and bellowed,

"What happened?"

"I…I… I just went out."

"WHAT?" John shouted angrily.

"Just for a second, I'm sorry." Dean timidly answered.

"I told you not to leave this room! I told you not to let him out of your sight."

John doesn't say anything else. He just turns his attention to Sammy and hugs him tighter. Dean just looks on at his dad and baby brother sitting on the bed and feels overwhelmingly guilty for almost losing Sammy. They stayed that way for a few minutes then John reluctantly let go of Sammy and walked over to Dean. He turned him sideways and gave him one hell of a hard swat. Dean and Sammy both yelped at the force of it. John looked down at his son and yelled,

"We'll talk about this later. Right now I want you to get this room packed up. We're leaving in about 10 to 15 minutes. I'm taking you to Pastor Jim so I know you're safe. "

"Yes sir," Dean answered through his tears to John's back as he left the room to pack up the rest of the place. Dean knew that he lost his dad's trust. They had to go be babysat because he wasn't responsible enough to take care of Sammy anymore. He swore he was going to do everything his dad asked him to do to earn back the trust he shattered tonight. Nothing else was said. They loaded up the Impala and headed to Pastor Jim's place.

END OF FLASHBACK

"That's everything Jim."

"Okay John, I need you to think like a 9 year old boy for a minute. Put yourself in Dean's shoes."

"Okay, why?"

"Just do it! Now close your eyes and imagine you are in charge of your little brother and you break the rules and sneak out. You come back and there is a creature and it has your 4 year old baby brother. Your dad busts in and saves the day. He yells at you and tells you the rules you broke. Then he swats you really hard and informs you he is dropping you off somewhere where he knows you'll be safe. What is going through your head?"

"Shit, he thinks I blame him for this." John sighed. "Dammit will I ever get this right?"

"Everyone makes mistakes. Not just 9 year old boys tired of being stuck in a room. Their dads mess up and make mistakes too. Its how you fix the mistake that makes you a man."

"Well, there is enough blame to go around. I missed the kill and allowed the thing to get to my boys in the first place. I haven't taught Dean well enough to pull the trigger when he needed to. And I left Dean watching Sammy."

Dean was coming down to talk to his dad. His guilt was so great that he couldn't sleep. His baby brother almost died because he left him alone and he couldn't shoot the stupid thing. His greatest fears were confirmed when he heard his dad talking to Pastor Jim. He only heard "and I left Dean watching Sammy" but that was all he needed to hear. The disappointment was evident. None of this would have happened if I hadn't left Dean watching Sammy. Sammy almost died because I left Dean watching Sammy. He can't be trusted any longer so I will have to find someone trust worthy to watch Sammy while I'm hunting. Tears were pouring down Dean's face. He tried to go back to the room but couldn't see through his tears and bumped into the hall table and knocked a vase off of it and it shattered as it hit the ground. John and Jim heard the commotion and ran to the hallway.

"Dean freeze." John yelled at his son.

Dean instantly stopped and didn't move an inch. He stood like a statue and just let his tears fall. He thought his dad was angry about the vase but John didn't want Dean to step in the glass in his bare feet. Jim got a broom and dustpan and started to clean up the mess. John picked up Dean and carried him into the living room.

"Hey sport. What's got you crying so hard? It was an accident wasn't it? I'm sure Pastor Jim isn't angry. After all you weren't roughhousing so it wasn't on purpose."

"M'sorry, M'sorry I didn't mean it."

"I know Dean. Take a deep breath sport calm down for me okay."

"No, I could have gotten Sammy killed. You need to take a belt to me."

"Dean you're too young for a belt."

"It would teach me never to leave Sammy alone again. I'm sorry I left him."

"You made a mistake, that's all!"

"I'll never ever leave him alone again. I promise dad!"

"I know Dean, I know."

"Please just punish me harshly. Spank me, ground me, and give me extra chores and training. Make me shoot until I can't pull the trigger anymore. I'm sorry I left Sammy. I'll never leave him again. Just spank me and get it over with."

Dean hops off of John's lap and starts to reach for the waistband of his sleep pants. Sammy runs in the room screaming.

"No daddy, please don't spank Dean. I was just in the bedroom sleeping. Dean stayed with me all day. Since we got here he hasn't let me out of his sight. Please tell him it's okay to leave me sleeping here. Don't spank him dad." Sammy was crying by the time he was finished with his speech.

"I'm not going to spank Dean for leaving you in Pastor Jim's bedroom Sammy. Both of you boys come here."

John grabbed both of his sons and put them on his lap and hugged them tight. They both buried their heads in his shoulders and cried. Sammy fell back to sleep. Jim took him out of John's arms and John asked Jim if he and Dean could go somewhere to talk. Jim told him they could go to the office of the church it was unlocked. John didn't even bother to put Dean down he carried him to the office. John pulled out a chair and sat down and stood Dean between his legs.

"Son what do you think Jim and I were talking about that got you crying so hard that you ran into the hall table?"

"I heard you. You said that everything went wrong because you left me watching Sammy. He almost died because you left me in charge."

"That is not what we said at all! Jim was telling me that we all make mistakes you and me both but it's how we fix the mistakes is what matters. I told him there was enough blame to go around but it was mostly on me. I missed the kill allowing it to get to you, I haven't taught you to shoot well enough and I left you, a 9 year old boy, in charge."

"I left him alone. I let the thing get to him and I couldn't shoot it. I deserve to be punished."

"The only mistake you made was leaving the room. You disobeyed a direct order and for that you will be punished. Not because of what almost happened to Sammy. You had no control over that. The creature was a Striga and it would have gotten to Sammy with you in the living room. It came in through the window and if you hadn't noticed it, it might have gotten Sammy."

"What do you mean? You busted in and saved Sammy."

"No Dean, I lost the striga. It got away and I came home. Seeing you standing there holding the shotgun is what alerted me to something being wrong. I used my key and walked in and turned on the light. It was seeing you that let me know that something was wrong."

"But I let you down. You can't trust me any more. That's why you brought us here."

"No Dean, I brought you here because I was scared to death. I wanted an adult keeping you safe. I trust you son. You made a big mistake and I'm going to spank you for that. You got that?"

"Yes sir."

"Okay then, tell me why you are about to get a spanking?"

"Because I left Sammy alone and almost got him killed." Dean murmured.

"No, you left the motel room and you left Sammy alone. That is it, end of story. You aren't being punished for anything else, just leaving the room. Now tell me again, why are you about to get a spanking?"

"I was told not to leave the room for any reason and not to let Sammy out of my sight."

"That's correct. Let's get this over with so we can head to bed. Pants and shorts down and over my knee."

Dean did as he was told and got into position. John instantly started warming the backside over his knee. He started out strong and didn't let up. John had to be sure that his boys followed his orders when he wasn't there. This was the number one rule that John gave his sons. Stay in the room. John kept laying down swat after swat and soon Dean was crying. When Dean started sobbing John decided he needed to wrap it up. He raised his right knee and lowered his left so Dean's sit spots were available. John swatted one side then the other. Then he swatted the right side three times fast before switching to the left sit spot. He was very random and Dean's back side was on fire. John ended with four hard swats to each thigh. He then started rubbing circles on Dean's back.

"All done sport, you did great. Daddy's here. I love you Dean"

Dean allowed his dad to help him fix his clothes. John picked him up and set him in his lap. Dean snuggled in and allowed his dad to comfort him. His dad's voice soothed him. He felt his guilt was gone knowing that his dad didn't blame him for Sammy getting attacked and he forgave him for leaving Sammy alone.

"It's all done Dean. I forgive you. I've got you. I love you son!"

"I love you too daddy. I'm really sorry I left and I promise you never to make that mistake again."

"I believe you Dean, but just so you know, if you do leave the room again, the spanking you just got will seem like a picnic. You got that?"

"Yes sir I understand."

"Good. Now you're grounded until further notice. You need to ask me permission to do anything! You want to leave my sight for any reason bed, drink, bathroom, you ask my permission first. Whenever I look up, I'd better see you! Do you understand that?"

"Yes sir. Dad?"

"Yes"

"What about when I wake up in the morning? I'll have to use the bathroom and if you aren't around to ask, what should I do?"

"That is the only exception. When you get up, use the bathroom then go back to the room until I come and get you or I call you to come to me. I'm going to stick around for a while and you and I are going to train. I'm going to teach you to shoot and we are going to make sure that you know how to protect you and Sammy better, okay?"

"Yes sir, does that mean you will trust me to watch Sammy again."

"Yes, I'm going to train you better but I trust you and know you love Sammy and would never intentionally endanger his life or yours."

"Thanks dad, I love you."

"I love you too, now let's go to bed."

John and Dean walked back to the house. Pastor Jim was sitting in the living room acting like he was reading a book but he really wanted to know that all was okay between father and son. He smiled when he saw them walking in with John's arm draped over Dean's shoulders. He noticed the puffy red eyes and tear streaked face of Dean but didn't say anything about it.

"Pastor Jim?"

"Yes Dean?"

"I'm sorry about your vase. I'll do some work around here to pay you back unless you have another punishment you'd rather I do?"

"No Dean, it was an accident and there is no punishment needed at all. You misunderstood what we were talking about and it upset you. The lesson here is to not eavesdrop and make sure you have the whole story before jumping to conclusions."

"Yes sir I understand. Goodnight sir."

"Come and give me a hug Dean. I didn't get a proper greeting when you got here so I expect one now."

Dean went over and hugged him and walked back to his dad. John walked Dean to the bedroom and tucked him in on his tummy and Dean instantly threw an arm over Sammy.

"Remember the rules for the morning! I love you Dean."

"Yes sir, use the bathroom and come back here to wait for instructions from you. I love you too daddy."

John headed back to where Jim was sitting. He sighed and carded a hand through his hair. He sat down and ran his hand over his face. It had been a long day and he was beat.

"So I take it you got everything resolved with Dean? And you spanked him?" Jim asked.

"Yes we talked it out and he knows the spanking was for leaving the room and only leaving the room. He is to stay in my sight until further notice. He has to have permission to do anything except to use the bathroom in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning. I just wanted you to know so if you call him down and I'm not up, he shouldn't come."

"Okay I understand. Are you okay?"

"Yes, let's go to bed. I'm beat."

"I agree. Good night John."

"Night Jim and thanks for everything."

"It's no problem you and the boys are family."

Jim heads to his room and John is left to his thoughts. 'Mary, I hope I'm doing the right thing here. Am I a monster? Should I just give up and let the Demon win? No, I can't do it! I'm going to train Dean to be a soldier and soldiers can't show weakness. He won't hesitate again.' John fell asleep.

The next few weeks rushed by. Dean and John have trained every day and Dean was becoming a great little soldier and he was following orders like a pro. It was Sammy's fifth birthday and they had a wonderful time. The boys were happy and laughing. Once John tucked them both in, he sat down thinking of the events that almost cost him Sammy's life. He got out his journal and wrote.

"Sammy is five today. Thank God. He almost didn't make it. I could blame Dean, but it's my fault. There's enough blame to go around. I missed the kill, and I left Dean watching Sam, and he couldn't pull the trigger when he needed to. I haven't taught him well enough. If he is weak like that again, my boys will die . . . but what kind of father am I to put a nine-year-old boy in a situation where he might have to kill to protect his brother?

I'm the kind of father I have to be. I'm the kind of father who teaches his boys that no man or monster can kill their mother and get away with it. I'm the shows them that when it comes to family, you go to the ends of the earth to put things right.

We're in Wisconsin, so we might as well skip over to Blue Earth and check in with Jim.

He'll want to know about this, and maybe it'll do me good to talk to him."

May 2, 1988

The End…


End file.
